6th June 2009

Didn't had much sleep last night, kept tossing and turning, wonder could it be the sugar rush from my Litchi Tea Freeze, the drink at TCC clarke quay were so sweet that all of us kept adding iced water to it. Was kinda stuck at home today, studied a fair bit, finished my F5 Part E as well as a few FRS for my F7 paper on tues. Felt emo at times, talked to Raymond and Cat on the phone here and there in the afternoon and evening. Thanks guys for being there for me!! Hmmm... talked to Aunt grace on the phone just now as well, she really understands me and know how I felt, glad to have her around me, cause there are a lot of things that I can easily say to her but not to my parents.

I realise something today too, even though daddy is a control freak, and he loves shouting and nagging at us, he really pamper and love me and my sis a lot, after hearing me say I am craving for soup while my sis is craving for fried batter prawns, he and momma rushed down to the supermarket to get prawns and the ingredients for cooking soup. Actually he told momma that he was really glad that I am eating again, my appetite is getting a lot smaller as compare to last time, but I finished a bowl of rice today, even though I didn't eat much, Daddy was still happy.


My favourite Radish soup, daddy forgot about the dried squid I think, but it still tasted yummy.

Accomplishments: Although today I didn't run, But I didn't contact Randy or read his blog for 2 days, so proud of myself. However I hope he knows that I always loved him and I am waiting for him to come back to me.

5th June 2009

My paper yesterday was most prob a goner, everything changed including the question style, so messy, stupid examiner, didn't have an idea of what I am writing, whole brain full of Mr Seah again. After I came home last night, daddy seems to realise that I am feeling unhappy, he kept asking what happened, how's the paper and so on? I told him, nothing la just unhappy, he asked about Randy and I as well, but I dunno wat to answer, so I merely keep quiet and went into my room and act like I was studying. I wanted to cry, but I don't wanna cry in front of my dad in fact not in front of my family. Time is passing so slowly nowadays, it's seems to be counting by secs and no longer by mins, have to find things to keep me occupied I guess.

Will be meeting my girls later to keep me occupy at least for today, but think I might feel emo even when I am with them, having a gf and a bf around is different neh. But hopefully today will pass fast enough, feel like going for a drink, but I know with my mood now, once I start I won't stop and I will get myself drunk, so no point la. Alvin tried asking me out again, but I am in no mood to go out with him, liz said that he isn't very decent, while that is what I think too, but he seems to know when is the time to approach me, whenever I am feeling down after a quarrel with randy or even now when I am waiting for Randy's answer, he is here asking me out. Wonder if he has a radar on his head.

In the end I went to liz's place instead of going out cause liz has some work to complete, while cat has her back ache, spend some time at liz's place and we decided to go out for dinner, asked slash & Raymond along too, shinvy came to meet us also. We went to Central for Mr Curry, we waited for nearly half an hour although we are the first on the waiting list, humph, the place was really crowded and warm, was feeling really depressed there, wonder is it because of the heat & crowds or the memories I have about Randy there. Left Mr curry after dinner and we went for our usual coffee session at TCC, waited at the Central branch, but there was no seats so we went over to the clarke quay one, we took the seats outside, although there was not air con, but it was still windy, so it was ok, slash was crapping all the way, although I am feeling moody in the beginning but at the end I was feeling ok, so I laughed as well. I could say that I have a great time today, Cat called a few times to make sure I am alright as well. Felt really glad to have such great friends by my side. Thanks Min, Cat & Liz for being there for me all the time, love you girls a lot. And ray too, although he has been always saying things that hurt, but I know he cares thats why he is doing this. And now its pictures time:

Full house (满家乐)'s carrot cake, we should have ordered it without the pork floss, it would have tasted better.

The Yuan Yang that I am craving for.

Liz and Jon's Lemon Barley, it didn't tasted like barley at all lo, simply lemon, eeeeeeeee, its sucks. Slash had lemon tea, didn't really took a picture of it.

Shinvy with Slash's hands, she looked happy rite... Muahaha doubt she knows about the hand behind her.

*Smirks* I love her a lot, thanks for being here for me babe...

Slash staring at Raymond who is kinda of running and shinvy is grabbing her head, wonder why, btw this is a candid shot. Muahaha..

The miniature ramen that was on the display glass, its so cute. I forgot who asked if the kids meal is so small... My reaction was diow...

Can you see how small the ramen was compared to the ice cream?

Guess who is the shadow man... If I am remember correctly, it was slash, hmmmmm....

Lizzie looking the menu. She said take ur backside de wor...

The miniature udon, this is so cute oso especially the one with the tempura prawns..

Jon hiding behind the sudoku coaster, Hahaha

Raymond with his mango juice that he said it's not very nice, but he finished it.

Ray and his up-sized prawn omelette curry rice, the rice serving is huge la, damn scary.

Mua with my first meal of the day? Cat and Min must be grumbling le, but I wasn't really hungry, and I had a small cookie at lizzie's place.

Shinvy with her prawn cutlet curry rice, I know you can't see the prawn cutlet, its hiding behind the curry la..

Lizzie with her crab omelette curry rice and our hamburg, didn't take a picture of jon and slash coz they were sitting so far away. Slash has a chk & mushroom omelette rice with extra bacon topping while Jon had crab omelette rice with beef steak..

Our yummy hamburg, the hamburg here is really nice, its very juicy.

My prawn omelette rice with black curry, today's soup got no lala, but got 2 small little slice of prawns, and now the curry has onions and peas in it. Eeeeeee, I see le oso dun feel like eating, I want the old curry back..

My mango Lassie, its not as yogurty as I had expected, not very nice, couldn't finish it, so Raymond finished it for me...

4th June 2009

Feeling Emo again, was really afraid of the weekends, cause I will simply stuck at home, can't do anything, and I have to study for my papers. Last night I had a lot in mind, I am starting to have doubts about him coming back to me, mainly cause of the 0.01% chance that he said last week. Humph, so have been feeling kind of down the whole night. But today, although I am emo, but like what min min and cat said I should simply believe in the things that I am doing and the decision that I make, so I am simply going to wait and hope he comes back, will be looking at the brighter side of things now, like the things that I wanna do with him. Maybe he is reading my blog, maybe he is not, but I know that I will be restricting myself from reading his blog, so as not to hurt myself. While these are some of the things I wanna add to the list:

1. I wanna go Marina barrage with him, wanna ask him to teach me how to fly a kite
   
2. I wanna go to the Alexandra Bridge with him, holding his hands and walking all the way from alexandra to Mount Faber
3. I wanna go Kayaking with him, it's something that I have never done before, think might be interesting.
   
4. I wanna learn swimming, seriously learn, let him teach me...
   

3rd June 2009

Just woke up from bed, feeling extremely emo again, dreamed about Randy the whole of last nite, so didn't catch much sleep, I have a paper this afternoon at 3pm, wonder how will it go, my brain is kinda of empty now, hopefully I can squeeze as much info as possible into my mind now. Thinking of taking cab to RJC later for my paper, hopefully the route there won't affect me much and the rain will stop soon, raining day = sad day for me now hopefully it doesn't rain anymore for the next 1 month. On top of that, guess I will stop myself from reading Randy's blog anymore, it's hurting me, it is so hurtful that I felt I cannot survive anymore, currently most of the post on his blog are about the girl that my heart tells me don't exist, haiz... wonder what can I do anymore. All I know is I will still be loving him and missing him until the day that he comes back.

Some insects bite me in my left thigh, and it is currently swollen, dunno what to do with it, guess I will just leave it there and hope that it will get better ba. Won't be running today, will be studying for my paper this afternoon and the paper tomorrow, I really need lots of luck to pass this time around, Wish me luck...

My audit paper was a screwup, when I was in there, the only thing I remembered was RANDY SEAH, feel like simply write RANDY SEAH on every sheet of paper and submit it, and guess what after coming out of the exam hall, the first one I wanted to call was randy, but restricted myself from doing that, so I called Cat instead, then I realized she was sick, poor cat, sick but no one to take care of her, her stupid doctor didn't give her any medication due to her allergy to aspirin. Came home at about 8, tried studying but didn't manage to absorb much.

Went online for a little while, talked to randy for a bit, I asked him can I date a guy in the mean time while waiting for him to return? His answer was a big big bomb, he said that if he will to say he won't mind it will hurt me, but if he said that he mind he will give me hope, then I asked him what about the 1 month that he had agreed to isn't that giving me hope? He replied depends on how I looked at it. I told him straight that to me, it means hope and he will come back to me one month later and I am trying really hard for our future. Humph, but now I keep wondering what will my paper be like tml.

Accomplishment: Although I didn't do crunches or run today. But I am happy with myself coz I managed to stop myself from reading Randy's blog, think that will be one of my daily aim from now. No point breaking my heart and making myself emo.

2nd June 2009

Today have been a day of hell for me, tomorrow is my first paper and its audit and I am not in the mood to study, been talking to Randy this afternoon, he asked me 'You dun like me blogging about sunny ar?', my reaction was WTF, obviously I dun like about it, he is blogging about the girl he left me for, but I told him even if I dun like, with his character he will still do it, but in the end I told him straight in the face that I didn't like it, and guess what he blog about her again. My emotions are fluctuating here and there, at times I am down and at times I am ok, cat said that he is simply screwing my mind. AHHHHHHHHHH... It's getting to me, My heart keeps telling me that the girl is fake, but why does he still have to screw with my brain... Why does he have to do this to me????

But what Min said is true, no matter what, this month has to pass, I might as well concentrate on my studies and see how things goes. I will still love him and miss him throughout this month and I hope that no matter how harsh his words are, he feels the same way for me as well, At least I know that at the end of this one month I will be finally be at peace with myself, for better or for worst.

1st June 2009

Spent the day worrying about the new girl that Randy is with now, wonder if she is real or fake, but after thinking so much, I decided to follow my heart and believe that the girl wasn't true, that Randy just wanna use her to spite me to make me move on. But just to let him know, I will be waiting no matter what.

Was really down from afternoon till at night at around 9 plus, talked a bit to Min about what is going on, she really gives good advices although she keep scolding Randy, saying that he is not worth it. Randy replied one of my sms and said that we shouldn't meet up at all, coz a deal is a deal and the term is one month no contact, after receiving the sms I felt relieved, I didn't know why maybe because I felt that I still have a chance. In the mean time what I can do is try to concentrate on my exams and go do what I have to do which to slim down and lose weight so that I will gain confidence as well as think positively and work on being independent and my emotions.

Accomplishments of the day: I completed 2.4km in 24.54 mins, hopefully I will get better, I did 30 crunches was well.

31st May 2009

Things hasn't settle down yet, had been feeling more and more miserable, talked to mama about what has happened recently, told her not to hate or dislike Randy, cause I still want him back. She was so pek chek with me, that she keep saying negative things. She even asked me a simple question, if my dad will to disagree about our relationship and seriously stop me from marrying him, and to the extend that If I do married him, he will disowned me, What will I do? I said that I will still go ahead with the wedding and hope that they will someday see the good points about him. This is how much I loved Randy, but I doubt he knows about it. He doesn't seem to care, got a feeling that he is avoiding me now. What should I do? All of my friends keep asking me, if the girl that he was talking about is real, do I really still want him back ? My answer is yes. All of them think I am stupid and blind, but Love is blind. Currently, lot of things have been passing through my mind, I was only hoping that he will come back to me, and if he really come back what are the things that I will do, the following is the list that I have come out with:

1. Talked to my dad about our relationship, and let him know that no matter if he object or not I will still wanna be with randy.
2. Bring our relationship to the open, in the sense that I will bring him out to meet my family and relatives.
3. Go hiking with him, whether is it The alexandra bridge, Bukit Timah or Mount Faber, the decision is up to him, I have already got the shoes ready for a long time le.
   
4. Spend more time with his family, I will tell daddy I will meeting Randy every sunday, then I will try to have dinner with Randy's parents every weekend.
5. Accompany him on his real gacha trip no matter how tight time is.
6. Go gym and swimming with him at least once every 2 weeks
7. Stop being too sticky to him, and not forcing him to do the things that he didn't like.
8. Listen to what he has to say, and do the things that he has requested for in front of him, instead of at his back.

There are still many many more that i wanted to add to the list, in fact the list is so long that I feel that I really can't live without him. What can I do? What can I do so that he can simply give me another chance to prove my love for him again?